i adopted a dog and now i regret it

https://www.flickr.com/photos/33350160@N02/albums/72157686741907585, https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10154522464110518.1073741833.696725517&type=1&l=a7bdaf5dad, https://www.patriciamcconnell.com/store/Love-Has-No-Age-Limit.html, Patricia B. McConnell, PhD, CAAB Emeritus. She gutted the couch and chair – she actually met me at the door with springs from the couch in her mouth – not a good day. I’m not really sure what to do. I have not stopped crying. The same happened to Jimpa. We knew he was big, and figured with some training and consistency we could nip his jumping up and nipping behaviours – but this takes time and patience, which normally I have…but not when it comes at the safety of my kids. I love the IDEA of having a dog. Almost immediately. Beyond his insatiable appetite for any object he could wrap his jaws around, Paolo also confused our rugs with outdoor surfaces. Then I send him back into his crate. I was determined to give him the loving forever home he deserved. I just feel in a nightmarewhere i can’t still decide it’s now quite two month cause it hurts too much to me, she’s my little baby. I live in VERY rural France. He was said to be happy with two 30 min walks/day. I’m a member of a group for people who have rescued Salukis and Saluki crosses. Plenty of people would happily take a tri-pawd pup and it sounds like she’s a gem of a dog – and if it’s not the right fit, it’s not the right fit. Doing your homework and making sure you get the right dog for your circumstances goes a long way too. Thank you so much for your site and for this comment thread. We went through a ton of rescues to finally get a dog – 8 week old Texas heeler the first week of June. I know dogs are work — I’ve dealt with the learning curve of a new dog many times before — but I just don’t know if I made the right decision. I realized we were screwed on that count and instead of “I hope it works” it became “It HAS to work.”. without problem. I’m sure there are good places out there, or we’ve just had really bad luck. My family is going through this at the moment; our rescue is a 70lb shepherd mix, and we have two children, ages 6 & 3. I love this little man, he’s the PERFECT kitten. You are doing what you can. Everything he knows and all of his habits have been turned upside down. I still am. ... Now I regret telling you to play with them, maybe you would have continued barking at them and they wouldn’t have taken you if I hadn’t done that. All the suggestions you mention (phone a qualified friend, research, etc.) You were 6 weeks old when you came into my life. If when your home, she’s just not trained yet, and it is very common for adolescents to have regressions. I’m single and so it all falls on me and it’s more than I realized, however that is not why I am considering returning her to the rescue. Plus his state is heightened and he doesn’t listen. Rescue puppies can have additional problems above that. Read the letter my adopted dog Tiffy wrote to her previous owner. Don’t get a delicate dog that can’t cope with that. They don’t know any of the rules, they pee in the house, they chew everything, they teethe with their needle-sharp teeth, they annoy the elderly cat, they scratch your furniture, hide your keys, and yap in excitement. I already had a 5 year old female Aussie with epilepsy, and a rescue female Border Collie/English Setter cross (about 6 years old). Just brought in an 8 wk old pup to my household of 4 existing dogs ranging in age from 8 mos to 5.5 yrs. My husband is supportive of me and has said if I want to keep the dog that is what we will do. Despite his sweet cuddly personality, I wondered if I’d chosen the wrong dog. He continued to get worse, and we began in earnest on desensitization/counter-conditioning training daily. Want a perfectly-obedient dog? This sweet thing is curled up next to me and Ivy is at my feet, but I can’t seem to love the new girl. We adopted her after she gave birth (6 beautiful and health pups). Today he has been in and out of the crate. Often times, especially in the beginning, the reality is very different from our hopes. She was a wired-hair bundle of nerves. Then I found a Doggy Day Care and Obedience business who literally saved us all. At first I had to leave the bathroom door open or he would potty in the house while I was in there. Take a breath, and repeat my mantra that I say every day: I trust I will be able to handle what happens. He started showing some aggressive behavior and an overwhelming sense of dread overcame me. I’m also super nervous that he wouldn’t want an apartment and we are moving Dec 1st so even if he gets okay with this apartment and coming into here, what about the new one? Oh Man! Well, we’ve just hit the two week mark and I go back and forth about a hundred times a day. Even if you haven’t already done that, it’s never too late. It’s as exhausting as having a young human baby. We made some adjustments, like keeping our old dog crated when no one was home, took the Golden for training and got her CGC certificate and she learned that when we left the house…we return and she was good with that. My then-boyfriend, now-husband, Russ, and I had been talking about getting a dog for a while. Kristin, oh Kristin, hang in there. Wouldn’t let him around kids. I don’t see the need to wait three weeks… trust your instincts. I used your little booklet and it all worked great. Turns out it was two trees by the driveway, which I will miss terribly but am grateful they missed my car by a good 20 feet or so. i adopted a little maltese mix and she poops and pees in my house all the time. She does fine once the leash is on but doesn’t like the on/off process. My vet refused to consider anti-stress medication. I wish the rescue had talked to you! . I will say that dealing with a one year old hound mix while you work from home is a challenge–and truly she might be happier in another home. What HAVE I done?” Ever had that thought after bringing a new dog into your home? I am in love with my new dog and nothing is ever going to separate me from him, but I was a mess for a week. (They also keep people away from your dog, a blessing to many owners.) Thank you for replying…I know this entry isn’t recent; you’ve been an excellent sounding board. I have a hard time letting him wander around the apartment without my constant supervision and he’s always wanting to play. Children are not allowed near her. Since she has been with me she pees in the house. Oh, so sorry. You’re okay. Repeat after me: “Bo’s behavior is not my fault. She is friendly and playful, but our resident surviving dog doesn’t want to play. I’d give both you and the dog more time. Have I given up on her? She seemed friendly enough and jumped in our car as soon as she saw the car door open and never looked back. But for now, she has a wonderful life with you, because you seem to be managing her so well. I just wanted to thank you for publishing this advice. It may be that you need to rehome your dog for perfectly legitimate reasons, and if so, know that they will adapt and that you will need some time to get over the grief and guilt of their loss. I adopted a Lab/Pittie mix 1 month ago from the Humane Society. It’s too much of a gamble. By now the stress on the family, my constant anxiety, and the thought of dealing with a 70-lb. I can’t tell if he is dominating me or not. Never been on a leash for a walk. It is really not fair to say he is a rescue, in the sense that we were not really taking on any huge challenges with him. Now, each time he’s done this, I’ve gotten really upset but I was already anxious to begin with. I am going to take the advice of other posters to make some adjustments and give it another week. I just found you last night and have read much of your blog, this post 4 times along with the comments, and bought your ebook on rescuing the older/adolescent dog. I really did not think I could handle any more bites or bruises. Bon, forgiving yourself is absolutely step one! After talking with my trainer friend and with the rescue, I took her back. Our previous dog had dog and leash aggression and was scared of everything. I know her limitations and never try to put her in situations where she will fail. The idea of re-homing him is so heart-breaking to me, and also wrought with issues due to his breed type. All I can say now is try to take it for what is it, and only that. Beware: Walking around a yard, in a rural area is nothing like walking in a neighborhood with runners, skate boarders, bikers, delivery trucks, school buses,,,, And today we tried to introduce her to one of our cats and let’s just said it went badly ( the cat running away and the dog chasing it round the garden poor thing) I ended up with many many scratches. They sound scary. If your family is anything like mine, all dog-caring duties fall on one person (me). Problem is my family is attached to the dog but I don't see them giving flee baths and such. ?” and my husband is asking “when are those baby gates coming down?”, I’m so glad to have the support of the many wise members of Paws New England Rescue … I can’t stress that enough. The puppy didn’t do anything wrong and the two dogs got along just fine. And I would worry about her. I’m a mess…. The owners of the Sanctuary were looking for a good home for Diamond, but my daughter wasn’t sure it would be a good idea. Today started with a walk around the garden. I know, in the end, each situation is unique and it’s really up to us. If this is so common why didn’t they calm me down, talk me out of it and remind me that anxiety can be normal and to please give the dog and myself three weeks to get past this? But she has to be watched, she eats mulch and everything in the ground, etc. The new dog not only loves to bark ferociously at the window, but she can’t wait to go outside and bark ferociously at whomever she sees by the fence. So try to enjoy him in the present and see where that gets you. Dog returned ~ 2 weeks – complete loss of $. The dog is very well behaved for 6 months aside from some general puppy behavior, which was a bit of a reality check because it’s still more than I had remembered/expected. He gets me out of the house, and he lifts my spirits when they need lifting. Patience and compassion towards your adopted dog – and a good behaviorist – can often turn a difficult rehoming into the joyful experience most of us hope to have with our four-legged family members. This is totally normal. mostly potty trained, liked to play, crate trained). First dog – foster home willfully neglected to mention that the dog ‘will attack cats’. My husband on the other hand isn’t. Oh you poor thing! Want a perfectly-obedient dog? How timely. Good at the groomer. but her behaviour was all terrier (at a guess schnauzer X Jack Russell). ), her separation anxiety seemed to get worse, and generally showed her very high energy. Unfortunately we didn’t thoroughly read the medical records prior to adopting the dog. I wanted so much a family but it was broken and now I wanted to begin to feel free, free of pain to love, free to begin the work I love, and free to travel if one day they ask me for my work, but I can’t feel it that way if I leave her with me, cause I’d love her too much I know myself I couldn’t be mentally free 100%. But now here I am contemplating just that and hating myself even more. I knew he was coming with a bad ankle and some issues with crating but the reality turned out to be much different. The post from Ruth and Elie is a perfect example. It will pass. She chewed on the woodwork, the walls, doors anything she could chew on. He loved going to daycare and playing with all the other dogs – a staff favorite. They’re beautiful, intelligent, biddable and make great family pets. Currently, she’s in day boarding while she heals from her spay scars. I hate to think of what might have happened to her if she were adopted out to a family with children – I suspect she would have been euthanized. That’s when we found out she was a Basenji Hound/mix because she would yodel and scream so loud that my neighbors would call me at work because they were worried about her. I sound like the most shallow uncaring person ever–I realize what I sound like. I’m guessing that many, if not most of us have found ourselves in this position. It’s been four summers since we’ve been able to travel, because our Lucy doesn’t like other dogs, golf carts, motorcycles. Saying that the training is hard and continous and we are getting close to him being 10 months soon but I fully expect to continue the formal training for another year. Best of luck, and I am so sorry about your dear, departed dog. I love your accepting who she is and that you have had times of being discouraged. I’m also one of those people who has always felt that a pet becomes family and you don’t just give them up. But who could resist the bond between boy and dog? You carefully selected the best possible choice. We found out that he wasn’t house trained and had a nasty habit of jumping at people and mouthing (or biting). Or 500. We’ve had so many people join the group shell-shocked by their new dogs. By then she had my heart and I had no idea what journey I had entered into. Start training immediately. A few thoughts: First, get help. What is the proper timeframe to try? Here’s Patricia McConnell again on why rescue regrets are almost always temporary. Dogs are very sensory-oriented and they can be easily overwhelmed by newness. Diamond was getting arthritic, didn’t need lots of vigorous exercise anymore, and she had attached herself to my grandson. I’ve been trying to work on some basic commands with her, with the help of our other pup and she’s very receptive. Your previous experiences with dogs will, to some degree, shape your expectations from the new dog as will any information you’ve received from the adopting rescue center/agency and your general knowledge of dog breeds. I imagine that would really help him at times. And in the same way parents of new human babies feel overwhelmed, parents of puppies can too, especially if they’re not prepared for what’s coming. Unfortunately the story ends sadly. She cries and screams and tries to dig out if I don’t. Maybe more so than worrying every moment? We covered the windows but my husband works from home and has difficulty dealing with the lack of light. (PS – all dogs need walks, however large or small they are. Since then though he’s revealed some serious leash aggression and growling at the slightest noises in my apartment building (which, inconveniently, is full of dogs that we encounter on every walk). We picked him up on New Years Eve from a rescue after learning about him two days prior. Sorry I have no magic pill, but see what you can do to gather together resource to help you, and keep us posted. We have three cats who have been our furbabies for many years. On the right is one of the breaks in the pines. More often they come with baggage. Certainly not. Good luck! She was a total sweetie, but I live by myself with a senior cat (things were OK there) and don’t have the financial or ‘people’ resources to deal with ongoing destruction and to have someone with her 24/7 until she could be trained out of the separation anxiety. I can’t help but think maybe he would be happier in another home that has more time for him (I’m returning to grad school next week and won’t be able to spend as much time with him). And, I struggle with the shortcomings I have as a first-time dog owner. What do you think? Then, I had another situation that made me be for the first time in my life, really alone. It took so much time. She received plenty of walks (3x / day), yet apparently would just go in the middle of the night anyway. Any holistic vets who do Chinese medicine or Herbal medicine? Glory actually received her AKC Canine Good Citizenship certificate and all I could was sit and laugh remembering all we had been through to reach that point. I was struggling with this tornado of a dog that had hit our home, and the more stressed I was, the more stressed he was. My activity level is too high for him but because of the S.A. I’ve had to take him everywhere. I’m hoping that expanding your village and being creative might help too. So after she passed away and we were ready for another dog, we decided to get another cattle dog from the same shelter. Will he know us enough by then that it won’t be an issue? If she’s not right for you you’ll know in three weeks, or three months. Dogs feed off of our energy and if we’re stressed, angry or unhappy they pick up on it and act out in the only ways they can – chewing, barking, hiding. So I have been trying to distract and keep the tempo down. I know there will be days or moments of thinking I bit off more than I can chew there always are,but I will have my moment and move on and keep training, keep going to class and keep loving them all and if I need a breal they will get good chewies in their crates for an hour so I can breathe. She would have been the wrong dog for me if I wasn’t retired with lots of time to spend training and exercising her, as well as patience. I’m sitting here trying to remember if we took back more than one, who was quite the case. Well, that’s not exactly how it worked out. So many of us know how hard it can be – many of my students are afraid to tell people they had to give up on a mismatch puppy because it wasn’t a good fit for so many reasons, and that anxiety is real, and valid. I’m so sorry that your new dog is so needy and that your life has been so challenging. I took her to the vet and they put her on calming medication and anxiety medication. She was a stray and they didn’t know much about her past. I think I’m a dog person I love them alot, all my friends have dogs, everyone knows we have him right now. I thought of all responsability and said yes, I was ready, but I wasn’t real. The other cat is too afraid to be anywhere near the dog and will peak around the corner from the “safe space” on rare occasions, but the dog barks meanly compared to playfully with the social cat. Won’t go in the elevator, barely goes in the stairs (we live on the 4th floor) and has to be coaxed into the car. Related read: Why Won’t My Dog Make Eye Contact with Me? My biggest concern right now is that we can’t provide the home for her that she really needs. Sensitive, high maintenance, independent-minded with zero recall and traumatized, he was a challenge. I will always love him and miss him. To J: Such wise words, and such a lucky dog to have you. They’re great dogs – well trained, well socialized with people and other dogs, non-destructive, easy to travel with, still playful and generally a joy to have in our lives. They’ve had their questions answered and been given as much support as they’ve needed to help their dogs (and themselves) settle. Not housebroken and did not seem happy after 2 days. Related read: 6 Dog Breeds That Can Be Left Alone During the Day. He’ll calm down and this is as bad as it gets! I had regrets when I adopted, but now we’re best buds. He follows me everywhere, and is really sweet and affectionate. What could I have done differently/what can I do differently if this occurs again, etc.? Wish I could be there in person to help you take a breath and take it one day, or better yet, one hour, at a time. He’d been rehomed for a week and brought back and he was utterly bewildered, so I felt like I owed him my very best efforts. I am absolutely in tears as I know the right thing for all of us is for the dog to go to a family that absolutely cherished her and she is a sweet girl, but my worse fear is she goes somewhere and is mistreated. Maybe it will help someone just starting out in life decide to wait on pet ownership, and maybe it will help others realize that adopting a dog or cat is in fact the right choice for them. I don’t want to give up, but at the same time I don’t want to wait and miss out on her getting a good home now. It’s only me and him at home, and being a dog lover, I had been thinking that it would be nice for him to have a companion when I’m at work etc. They're characterized by sadness, anxiety, and other difficult feelings after adopting a young dog. Still crying on and off on day five now. I set up Pet Carrier Verdict to provide a website brimming with pet carrier and health advice you can trust. enough. Third dog – too many issues to detail. But we still went through more than one “can we make it through this” moment. What I wasn’t prepared for was her mangling 2 crates, destroying the door and carpet to get out of the room, and generally going in a panic when she was left alone for more than 10 minutes. If there’s any initial thoughts you could give me I would be most grateful. But I haven’t gotten any sleep tonight. It isn’t the vet bills that bother me (he had Hookworms for almost a month), or his aloofness, or his stubborness but his boundless of energy and the lack of sleep while working with a second shift job. Everyone has told me to wait it out but I am so stressed about her constantly. After thought, she agreed and said she understood, exactly why we thought that would be doing what was best for him. One thing we do not share, she likes to sleep in . Predicted to be 100-120 pounds. I was surprised too. The first thing I did when reading this post for only a moment was laugh. He loves this dog, but he loves you too, right? You might be facing a serious illness and you don’t think you’ll be able to care for your beloved dog. She still can get a bit whiny when she’s anxious about something, but it’s rare now. Yet, it must be stressed, that the foster home knew we had cats, yet didn’t mention that he ‘will attack cats’, as written in the medical records. It took about a week for her to get spayed and I thought I had everything ready for her. The patience to train ) are nit deal breakers began to fall just in the worst of it way. Anxious ( right she feels funny soldiered on for 2 wks until his wounds had healed hit... Several times is truly “ easy ” pup to my husband is someone that dogs...: never a dull moment case of parvovirus my sake, and I am i adopted a dog and now i regret it glad I found page. 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